First of all....happy birthday Jana!!!!!! I hope your day is going wonderfully. you are such an amazing woman and inspire me each and everyday with your talent, your faith your dedication. You have blessed my life in so many glorious ways the past few years and i feel so incredibly lucky to have you each and every day! Can't wait to hang tomorrow w/ you and help you celebrate!
so that makes me happy.
I am fortunate to have so many amazing people in my life that i can call friends and i love when they are happy and fulfilled and joyful. happiness is contagious ya know? :) so that is a good thing.
still much confusion surrounding my little heart these days. it's obvious from my cryptic blogs the past several weeks but i assure everyone it's just the normal evolution and growth that we go thru in our lives. there are many things over the course of the past several months..including the death of my beloved grandmother that have affected me in a way and brought me to the place where i am today...a place of questions and uncertainty but also a place of deep spiritual growth and longing. a life w/out questions and change...well, it's just stagnet and unrealistic. so i welcome all of this...even though it's hard to process so much of it. i only know that the knowledge and growth i gain now will lead me down a path...only to encounter more uncertainty and as much as i know change really freaks people out...it's comforting to me these days. to know that i can count on that. and i can count on always learning and seeking answers to questions that sometimes i think i have figured out. i'm in a place of deep contemplation and it's ok. it's hard....but it's ok. so don't worry...please. i seriously am touched by the concern i receive and feel...but this is not a bad thing for me. i sometimes make it more difficult because let's face it change is scary and makes you feel a bit out of control...and well, for a self proclaimed control freak that's a bit much as time. but i have felt more alive and well during this time of contemplation due to the fact that my mind is just not "blah" it's alive and working and it feels nice. sometimes we tend to let our hearts, minds & souls sleep.....and it's nice to be awake right now. for this moment.....to not have it all figured out. it's frustrating...it's scary and i'm not always good at embracing it. but today...well for today. i'm accepting it.